Feeling comfortable in your own skin definitely is something that comes with time, but I feel it also comes the moment that you begin to evaluate and realise what your values are and what you stand for (that is not to say it won't change).  Then knowing your values, living in line with them and things you hold important. I have found that when I started to live my life more in line with my own beliefs, I felt more confident in who I was and like I had more purpose. But, this doesn't mean not being able to make mistakes. Everyone makes them and they are part of growing up. 

Stop caring so much about everyone's opinions. This is so much easier said than done and it takes time to get into the mindset where you stop attaching so much value and self-worth to other people's perceptions. It's human nature to care - and we all care to a certain extent. But, there are always going to be rumours or ideas spreading around about what you did or didn't say and supposedly who you are or aren't. Just because someone says something about you doesn't mean it's true. What people say about you is usually more of a reflection of who they are as a person, as opposed to you. I also find it helpful to think that if you wouldn't go to that person for advice, then it is not worth placing so much value on their opinions about you. They probably don't have your best interests at heart and at the end of the day, I think it is important to reflect on who you listen to/ whose comments to take on board. Not everyone's opinion on you is worth listening to, especially those who have no concern for your wellbeing and are just expressing their thoughts. It is impossible to please absolutely everyone and the right people will come to you when you are yourself. 

Celebrate small successes 

If you have done something that scared you, no matter how big or small, take a moment and acknowledge it. It is so easy to compare it to what other people would think of it, but that is irrelevant. We all have unique things we find hard. Small steps are still progress. If it was something outside of your comfort zone, that is progress. It is taking those small steps that add up later and take you to a place where you can feel much more confident about yourself.

Mindset

It can be difficult to change mindset and this will not change overnight. But, instead of telling yourself, I am not going to do this, I would never be good enough, there will be people better than me, change the way you look at it. Think, what have I got to lose? If I am told no, I will be in the exact same situation I am now. If I don't try I will never know. Think, I may be good at it, I just haven't given myself the chance, and I can improve or achieve whatever I set my mind to. If it is something where you are not quite in the place that you want to be, it is something you are not good at yet, but will be eventually. 

Don't let them win! 

To all those people trying to bring you down- don't let them win! I always found people being spiteful or negative comments people made about me to be an influence on my self-confidence. But, just because someone labels you as something does not mean it is true. Learn to realise you can rise above people who bring you down. Show them how HAPPY you are, and how what they try and do doesn't affect you. To that person who told you you couldn't do it or aren't good enough - use it as a motivation to prove them wrong. SMILE at them, letting them know they can't bring you down- I guarantee that'll probably frustrate them at how they didn't succeed and will save you the trouble of retaliating.

Let feelings come and go 

Don't be ashamed of how you feel and respect and embrace every feeling. I used to try and block out and avoid all negative emotions or just feel guilty for having them. It is completely natural to feel upset sometimes. Cry it out and allow yourself to be upset - don't put pressure on yourself that you always have to feel happy and confident. You will have moments of self-doubt and where your self-esteem is lower. That is the way life works. What matters is that you can pick yourself up, that you will get through it. Crying doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. Most people have their own insecurities and it's natural not to always feel yourself.

Feeling comfortable in your own skin isn’t something that happens overnight and it took me years to get to a place where I could trust and have more faith in myself, but it is possible. Insecure 14/15 year old me who constantly doubted herself wouldn’t even recognise who I am today. I am sharing this with hope that this may help someone else and to share what allowed me to overcome something that held me back and stopped me from doing so much. ❤️ To anyone reading this who feels like self-confidence is something really far away and so distant- that was once me and I’m now at a much better place - you can do it too.

Read my update on self-confidence: Self confidence, a journey, not a result