I usually always do a post at the end of the year. But this year, I wanted to do 2. Not just one on what I learnt in 2019, but also a general reflection and year in review.  I say this every single year, but I truly have no idea how 2019 has somehow come to an end. Here's some general thoughts on what I make of my experience of 2019.

2019 - wow well you've been one hell of year. This year has seen me achieve so much, get closer to dreams and experience new things. If I think I had to attach a word to this year, it would probably be growth. Followed by new experiences (yes that's three words, let it slide). I have really been put into completely new situations this year, which has allowed me to learn a lot about myself - for one my independence and secondly my ability to adapt to new situations and sort problems out.

I've been given the opportunity to live new experiences, which I’m so grateful for. Been able to discover more about myself in different situations, especially more about how I react to pressure and stress. Yet, 2019 put me through in some ways some of the hardest moments I've ever had and through things I never thought I’d have to deal with.

Even in the more difficult times, however, I have been able to realise that I am the most equipped I have ever been for these situations. I was the most prepared I’ve ever been to deal and cope with life, even if it felt difficult. In some ways, this has meant I haven't felt as bad or upset as I have felt in other less hard situations.  It really has allowed me to see where I have grown. To realise my own strength in certain situations I didn’t realise I had. The ability to carry on and smile, remain positive around people even if that isn't what I felt.

I have been let down multiple times. That has sometimes left me feeling lonely and like I put effort into friendships and people and just don't get it back.  It feels exhausting and like people don't care. When you always take an interest in how others feel, but they don't ever do it for you, it alienates you. But, I’ve learnt quite a lot about myself this year in a positive way. For one, directly related to what I said above, I have realised that I am pretty perceptive to what goes on around me. That whilst I've felt like it is very one-sided in some friendships and generally where I put in so much effort to see how people are doing, that it is only because I care. Caring about people, and investing yourself in relationships (not necessarily the typical of girlfriend, boyfriend, etc) isn't a weakness, it's a strength- even if it being one-sided from many people isn't a positive. But, I guess that aspect has allowed me to see it's a quality I have. That I really do look out for people.

I have learnt that I am actually pretty adaptable, that I feel pretty comfortable in myself in a way I absolutely didn’t 2/3 years ago. That still, there are things I can achieve that I didn't know I could and that I will continue to surprise myself.

So whilst this year has had a mix, I think overall it has been more positive than negative - mainly also because of the way I have chosen to keep going in difficult situations. 2019 has shown me in many ways that life can be what you make it, even when it really tests you. That you can always choose to see the good in your life, even when things go wrong. 

Help keep me going 🙂