Esterella: Confidence

I have been slim for as long as I can remember. Not intentionally. I think it is something genetic. But, knowing the struggles of particularly girls wanting to lose weight to fit into this "ideal" society supposedly tells us sometimes makes me feel guilty. Guilty because I know so many other girls would wish to be in my shoes and honestly, I hate that having a skinny body is used as the ideal body to aspire to regardless of whether it is actually healthy for you. I dislike that losing weight is always considered an achievement and that so many girls struggle with body confidence issues. It makes me sad that most people view me as lucky because I am naturally slim and have a fast metabolism when that is just because society said it is what beauty is.

This is a little of an update on my post on growing your self-confidence (this link opens in a new tab)- this will make more sense if you read that post first. Whilst I have come a long way from my 14-year-old insecure self, I think that self-confidence is often presented as a result, rather than the ongoing journey it is and so I wanted to compile some more thoughts from my original post.

Finding your own voice- graphic containing a microphone and speech bubble

Finding my own voice and realising what I stand for was something that took me a while and I think is always an ongoing process. Writing this blog in many ways has helped me find my voice and has given me a platform to share things that are important to me. Learning to utilise it and discovering what I believed in has been one of the biggest things in boosting my confidence and self-esteem, which at one point in my life was very low. Hopefully, this can help someone on their journey to discover their own voice.

Pink graphic with triangle pattern and hearts

Now I'll be honest writing about this does make me feel a little nervous - partly because it is a taboo subject in society and I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable- in fact, I hope that this will have the opposite effect and maybe encourage you to think about it in a different way. But, the fact conversations like these are usually avoided is exactly why it needs to be spoken about more - to normalise it. So I am writing about my take on it, which is much more about loving your body and being healthy rather weighing a particular number of KG.

Stepping outside of yoru comfort zone came to mind recently when I was thinking of the fact that I have done things that my younger self would be terrified to do. I think it is important to challenge yourself, but equally not overstretch yourself so much to the point that you are putting yourself in a situation you are completely uncomfortable in and unready for.

Something that perhaps took me longer to realise than it should have is the fact that at the end of the day you are the one person you can trust to make sure what you want to get done gets done. People are not always reliable and there will come a point when someone will let you down. You may let yourself down at some point too - and that is normal and is okay. We are all learning. However, the difference is that you can control your actions, but you cannot control the actions of others.

We all have insecurities, including the people we don't think do. Even people who appear arrogant are probably concealing their insecurity behind the lack of acceptance of any type of criticism. Everyone has areas that they feel less confident about. Don't stress and feel alone when you doubt yourself at times or sometimes feel more insecure - I actually think that a little bit of self-doubt is helpful. It keeps you growing and learning. But, if not kept in check, it can stop us from living our life to the fullest and enjoying activities we would without lots of insecurities running our minds. I hope that if you happen to stumble upon this post when you are having one of those days, this helps and makes you feel better.

It is true that appearance isn't what is important and that it is inner beauty that counts. That being said, we cannot deny that as a society we do focus on appearance and we all care about how we look to an extent. Taking time to look put together can help you feel put together - how you look can impact how you feel.

Confidence and who you are- the answer so many people look for. Maybe it would be easier if we just start by accepting the fact that no one has exactly pinpointed who they are and we are consistently growing and learning new things about ourselves. Don't be harsh on yourself because you don't have everything figured out. Life is unpredictable and the truth is no one does...

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