Esterella

I have written about friendships, and being okay by yourself, but realise I have never touched being single and happy. Over the last year, I’ve thought a fair amount about being single. Something about moving to university with the pressure and expectation that I am meant to find the love of my life at this point in my life has me thinking a lot about relationships.

In September of 2019, I moved out for the first time for university. I know a lot of people say it, but moving out has taught me a lot, especially about myself. It’s safe to say that I’ve grown a lot in a very short space of time - the person I was when I first moved out and the person I am now is different. I’ve genuinely learnt things about myself that I otherwise wouldn’t have learnt. Moving out changed me by teaching me important life lessons. If you are moving out for the first time, it will most likely change you too.

Feeling lonely is hard and isolating. The problem is we don’t talk about loneliness enough and that leads us to feel even more lonely when we experience it. I’m documenting my experience with loneliness in the hope that it’ll help someone and so you know if you feel lonely at the moment, that you’re not the only one.

I have been slim for as long as I can remember. Not intentionally. I think it is something genetic. But, knowing the struggles of particularly girls wanting to lose weight to fit into this "ideal" society supposedly tells us sometimes makes me feel guilty. Guilty because I know so many other girls would wish to be in my shoes and honestly, I hate that having a skinny body is used as the ideal body to aspire to regardless of whether it is actually healthy for you. I dislike that losing weight is always considered an achievement and that so many girls struggle with body confidence issues. It makes me sad that most people view me as lucky because I am naturally slim and have a fast metabolism when that is just because society said it is what beauty is.

I have found this year and generally this academic year difficult for multiple reasons- a lot in my life changed quite quickly and I was forced to adapt to changes (some not so nice or ideal in a short space of time). As a result, I have been reflecting more on what being strong means to me. I think it can generally be quite easy to have this idea that being strong means never feeling weak, or never feeling like a mess and always feeling like you have everything under control. This year more than ever has taught me that is definitely not the case (or at least that is not the way I interpret it). I want to talk about in this post how this year has redefined my idea of what I feel strength is.

graphic of letter and notebook and pen with grades

As a University student, I have had my fair share of results days and still have quite a few to come 😅. Getting back results is something I don’t like (usually because I am pretty harsh on myself and set really high expectations for myself). I also find it stressful. But, I wanted to generally speak about exam results because I know it’s something that all students can relate to and most of us dread.

Pastel pink with palm tree leaf, red heart with a brain graphic

I know helping someone struggling with their mental health can be incredibly difficult and put you under a lot of pressure. When I first became a carer, I felt very alone and by myself in all of it. I wish I would have come across a post like this. The advice I am giving here is based on my own personal experience helping others because I know how hard it can be. This is the advice I wish I had been given, but not a replacement for professional help. I hope someone else will find it useful, but please do not treat this as the only way to approach the situation.

This is a little of an update on my post on growing your self-confidence (this link opens in a new tab)- this will make more sense if you read that post first. Whilst I have come a long way from my 14-year-old insecure self, I think that self-confidence is often presented as a result, rather than the ongoing journey it is and so I wanted to compile some more thoughts from my original post.

Hand in heart graphic with dotted design on the top and bottom

Like most people, I feel I have had my fair share of coming across unkind people. Individuals that want to tear you down. It is inevitable - not everyone will like you and some people choose to consciously make or try and make others feel small. Over the years, I have found different ways of approaching and dealing with it and I am going to share what has helped me the most. This post is in relation to my previous post on bullying and are some of the things I incorporated into my life to deal with it better.

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